Title: The Visit
Plot, or Lack Thereof: It’s Chi-Chi’s turn for revenge.
Reason for Banishment: Weak characterization, blatant self-insertion, shameless self-plugging.
I was in my dorm room working on one of my endless stories, and trying way too hard to think of the right words to write, when there was an urgent pounding on my door.
When I went to open it I found myself nearly eating a double-barrel shotgun. I pushed the barrel aside with my hand with as much gentleness I could, and discovered that the owner of the gun was a very angry Chi-Chi (with baby Goten strapped to her back).
“Uh—hi, Chi-Chi,” I greeted, suppressing my panic.
“YOU BITCH!” Chi-Chi screamed. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!” She tried to turn the gun on me again, but I held it in place.
“Why don’t you come inside,” I invited, “and we’ll talk this out calmly.” Chi-Chi narrowed her eyes at me. She obviously didn’t trust me, but at last she lowered the gun and walked inside. Just before I closed the door I caught a glimpse of my horrified neighbors.
When Chi-Chi noticed what was on my computer screen, she went ballistic again.
“WHAT?!? ANOTHER ONE?!?” She raised her gun to the monitor. I hurried over to cover it with my body. (I later realized that was a horrible move, but at the moment that was the only thing I could think of doing.)
“Please, Chi-Chi-san,” I begged, trying to sound respectable. “Sit down and tell me what’s wrong.”
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong???” Chi-Chi screeched. “This!” She pulled out a few sheets of paper and waved it in front of my face. “This is what’s wrong!!!” I somehow managed to read the title of the paper: “One Night”.
“You don’t…like that story, do you?” I guessed.
“Don’t like it?” Chi-Chi repeated, her voice raising. “I detest it! How dare you write something like this?!?” She snatched the story back. “Together they moved to the bedroom.” She read. “How dare you?!?” She demanded again. “What right did you have to imagine what was happening in my bedroom?!?”
“But I didn’t write about the sex,” I protested. I was going to continue with: ‘The point was that Goku really loved you’, but Chi-Chi cut me off with a wave of her shotgun.
“I know that! I’ve read worse stories, ones that turned my stomach, ones that not even grownups should read. But do you know how it feels, now that Goku is dead, to read a story like this?!?” Tears began to form in Chi-Chi’s eyes. “How dare you?” She asked for a third time, this time in a whisper, because the tears were streaming down her face. How dare you? She mouthed, dropping her gun and burying her face in her hands. Goten also began to cry.
“You’re saying that just to make me feel better.” Chi-Chi sobbed.
“No, I really mean it.” I insisted. “I should have realized that your relationship with Goku was something sacred to you, and I desecrated it by writing about it. I should have realized that I would touch a nerve. I should have realized the story would bring you pain,” I lowered my head. “I don’t blame you for wanting to kill me.” Chi-Chi continued to weep, and Goten was now about to break the sound barrier. Hesitant, I reached out and picked up Goten; Chi-Chi made no attempt to stop me. I rocked Goten in my arms, and bit by bit he began to calm down. “He looks even more like his father,” I observed. “Especially when he smiles.” Chi-Chi stopped crying and lifted her tear- stained face.
“That’s what I tell myself every time I look at him,” She told me. “So that I can believe that a part of Goku is still with me.”
“But he is, Chi-Chi. In your two wonderful sons. And in you: as long as you remember him, that part of Goku is with you.” Chi-Chi didn’t answer. “Right now, Goku’s probably in heaven looking at the family he left behind to save the world. And he would be heartbroken to see you like this.”
“But, I miss him so much!” Chi-Chi began to cry again, and I took her into my arms as well.
“Of course you do. We all do. But you still have Gohan and Goten, as well as great friends who will help you through anything. And the world is finally at peace.” At least for now… I kept to myself.
“You’re right.” Chi-Chi sniffed, forcing herself to really stop crying. “I can’t feel sorry for myself forever; I have a family to take care of.” I nodded. Chi-Chi looked at Goten, who was cooing in my arms. “He’s practically Goku’s clone,” She murmured.
“Let’s hope it’s just appearance and not character.”
Chi-Chi smiled. “Well…even though Goku was so stupid sometimes it drove me crazy, I really loved his child-like innocence, too.”
“Just tell Goten that a ‘bride’ is not a kind of food.”
This time, Chi-Chi burst out laughing. “Don’t worry, I will,” She reassured me between chuckles.
“Uh…” I gingerly nudged the shotgun with my toe. “I don’t think you need this anymore, do you?”
“I guess not…” Chi-Chi replied, sheepish, encapsulating the shotgun. “I’m sorry that I burst in on you like that.”
“I’ve gotten used to it.” Chi-Chi raised an eyebrow. “You’re not the only person that doesn’t like something about my stories.”
“Vegeta?” She guessed. I nodded. She cringed. “That must have been awful.”
I nodded again. ‘Awful’ is an understatement, I thought. But at least I lived through it. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?” I asked.
“No…” Chi-Chi shook her head. “I guess I should thank you for talking to me.”
“No problem; you can talk to me any time. Just lose the shotgun, okay?”
“Sure,” Chi-Chi smiled again, this time one of her rare, truly happy smiles. I returned Goten to Chi-Chi’s back and opened the door for her.
“Sorry for not accompanying you all the way out,” I apologized. “I have a story to finish.”
“I understand,” Chi-Chi walked down the hall, ignoring the stares of the other girls. “See you later!” She called before disappearing around the corner.
“Sheesh,” One of my neighbors whistled after she was gone. “Does this happen to you a lot?”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“How do you put up with that?” Another asked in awe.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I guess I sort of think of it as an occupational hazard.”