Shinji’s Alternate Universes

“Well, Souryuu-san?” Rei cocked her head and almost smiled. “Of course, if you’d prefer to have a threesome, or even four if you don’t mind the crazy one…”

“What?!?” Asuka exclaimed, suddenly feeling very disgusted as she realized what sort of alternate universe she had gotten herself stuck in.

She was now part of Shinji’s Dating Sim!

“No!” she began shaking Shinji madly. “Wake up, baka, and get us out of here!”

Shinji’s only response was to get very, um, happy as he inadvertently got a faceful of Asuka’s chest.

“Not again!” Asuka felt her face flush bright red. “This isn’t funny AT ALL!”

One unconscious Shinji slipped even further into lala-land as Asuka launched him into Lower Earth Orbit.


I, Farsan de Arnibia, give my permission to make Shinji’s Alternate Universes as silly, or as serious, or as dramatic, or as romantic, and generally as incoherent as the authors see fit.
{Farsan de Arnibia}

I, Dot Warner, will abuse that permission to the utmost! O~HOHOHOHO~~!
{The Authoress}

Shinji’s Alternate Universes
a surrealistic exploration into the depths of some really f*ed up psyches
consultation began by Farsan de Arnibia

this head-shrinking session conducted by Dot Warner

Experiment #8.666: Word to Your Mother (and Father)


─Complementation: #Kyoko─

*Rei has joined #Kyoko
ChibiKyo> [Rei] Guess whose head I messed with today. *grin*
Rei> Question.
Kyoko> Shoot, Rei-chan.
Rei> Why are we in an elevator?
Kyoko> Ahaha, sorry, force of habit.
*Kyoko changes the scene to an open-air cafe
Kyoko> !drink tea Rei
*ChibiKyo is now known as Barkeep
*Barkeep pours tea into a shotglass and shoots it towards Rei
*Rei catches the shotglass and downs the tea in one gulp
*Barkeep is now known as ChibiKyo
Kyoko> This better?
*Rei shrugs
Rei> I don’t mind either way, I was just curious.
*Yui has joined #Kyoko
ChibiKyo> [Yui] Queen didn’t say speak! *cracks whip*
Kyoko> Been…playing with Gendou again, I see.
*Yui blushes
Yui> You don’t have to put it that way.
Rei> o/ Yui and Gendo, sitting in a tree… o/
Yui> Mou~~!
Rei> Tee hee.
*Kyoko laughs
Yui> But enough about me. How have you been, Kyoko?
Kyoko> Oh, you know, the usual…live my life vicariously through a daughter that pretends I don’t exist…
*Yui shakes her head
Yui> Don’t keep punishing yourself for the past. There’s still the future.
Kyoko> And I have an eternity to wait for her.
Rei> You’re terrified of her, aren’t you?
Kyoko> …
Yui> Really? Why?
Kyoko> I thought you of all people would understand. Complementation has made “gods” of us all, whether we were ready for it or not…
Yui> So you think she’ll obliterate you? She doesn’t hate you, you know.
Kyoko> I know. And it’s not her I’m afraid of.
Kyoko> It’s ME.
Rei> Excuse me, something has come up. I have to go.
*Rei has left #Kyoko (o/ Oh, the tangled web we weave… o/)
Yui> I’m sorry you feel that way, Kyoko, but I still think you should be the one to reach out to Asuka.
Kyoko> And add more to her pain?
Yui> No, so she can finally begin to heal.

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #Shinji’s Dating Sim─

Id Shinji grinned madly as he watched a panicked Asuka flee from an unusually (?) forward Rei, running quite fast despite Wuss Shinji as mostly dead weight. “That ought to keep her occupied for a while.” He struck an appropriately Evil Pose ™. “And now, onto my plot to MURDER MY OLD MAN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA─*cough*”

No, Id Shinji did not cough because he had run out of air. He had enough lung capacity to go on cackling madly for another few seconds. However, the sudden appearance of one Ayanami Rei caused him to gasp and therefore have a momentary conflict of inbound and outbound air.

“Hello, Evil Ikari-kun.” At this point, if Rei were wearing glasses, they would suddenly go opaque and glint. But she didn’t, so she settled for a Significant Look ™ instead. “You do remember our agreement, don’t we?”

Id Shinji gulped. “Of course. No real murder attempts, just silly Wile E. Cyote-level antics, right?”

“Exactly. And remember, one wrong move and─” Rei pinched her fingers together and somehow managed to reproduce the exact sound of a cockroach that had crawled into the circuit board and promptly electrocuted itself.

“Yes’m,” Id Shinji squeaked, doing a near perfect imitation of his wimpier version.

“Excellent.” Rei waved dismissively. “Carry on, then.”

“Really?”

“Yes, go ahead.”

Id Shinji cleared his throat a few times before continuing his Megalomanic Laugh.

“Amateur,” Rei muttered as she stepped out of the simulation.

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #Sailor Beer─

“…in the name of Beer, I’ll punish you!” Misato finished as she struck her Heroic Pose ™, somehow managing to not fall off the building she was standing on.

“Sounds kinky, doesn’t it?” Ritsuko commented, brushing at her skirt, giving a good bit of Fan Service ™ in the process.

Maya blushed and coughed. “I still can’t believe you agreed to this, sempai.”

Ritsuko shrugged, again flashing her Cute Panties ™. “Why not? It’s not like there were that many more options.”

“Please get to the smiting part already,” Kaji pleaded, blood spurting out of his chest where a rose lapel should have been.

Yui bopped Kaji on his head with her Giant Can Opener of Doom ™. “That joke’s getting old, Kaji-kun.”

The Fourth Wall wobbled precariously as Asuka bowled through it, looking panicked. “Commander Ikari? Is Commander Ikari here?”

“Ah, well…he was supposed to join us, but Yui here wore the poor boy out.” Naoko replied, smirking slightly behind her blue shades.

Yui flushed deep red. “Hey, we’re a happily married couple!”

“We’re also sharing the same collective consciousness,” Ritsuko pointed out. “So naturally we’re going to give you a hard time about making us watch the two of you go at it like mad weasels.”

“Can we make fun of Mrs. Ikari later?” Asuka asked. “Commander Ikari is in danger!”

Yui raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Asuka quickly explained the whole thing. “…and then he goes off and says he’s gonna go kill his father. I don’t particularly like Commander Ikari myself, but I’ve got to warn him before it’s too late, and stop Shinji─the crazy one, anyway─from doing something stupid!”

“That sounds awfully like the plot of some cheesy anime,” Kaji remarked. “Are you sure this isn’t some game you and Shinji came up with that got a little out of hand?”

“…says the man who can’t make up his mind on where he was shot,” Misato muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“It’s true!” Asuka insisted. “Shinji’s Evil Twin is probably plotting something awful as we speak!”

“Oh, you’re so silly, Asuka-chan,” Rei-but-not-exactly crooned as she reached out of the Fourth Wall to grope Asuka’s breasts. “Let’s forget about Shinji and make those former doujinshi-drawing otaku very, very happy!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Asuka screamed at the top of her lungs, creating a gaping plot hole as she ran for her life.

“Well, that was…odd…” Maya observed. Then she smirked. “But what say we take up on Rei-chan’s suggestion ourselves, Sempai?”

Ritsuko shrugged, a seductive smile on her face as well. “I don’t see why not.”

“Hey, can’t we wait until after─” Misato trailed off as Ritsuko and Maya faded out of view. “Aw, crud. I wish we had some real alcohol.”

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #Evangelion Saga─

“Hail, Ikari-palazzo!” Hikari cheered energetically as she saluted.

“…zzo,” added Ayanami Hayatt, blood trickling from a corner of her mouth.

Ikari-palazzo locked his fingers together and placed them in front of his face. “The world is corrupt. It is the fate of the ideological organization NERV to free them from their bonds.”

“Oh, yes, Ikari-palazzo-sama, we are the greatest!” Hikari then went on to rant and rave about the obvious superiority of NERV. (And here, I’m gonna be lazy and let your imaginations do your work.)

“Yes, you’ve established our greatness quite well, thank you,” Ikari-palazzo said coldly as he pulled on a cord, opening the trap door beneath Hikari’s feet. “Now then, Hyatt, please report on the status of your mission.”

“Hai.” (Momentarily, Hyatt’s face turned blue as her heart stopped beating, but she quickly got better.) “Ikari-kun’s doppelganger has agreed to our terms, and one of my clones is keeping Souryuu busy until Phase Two can begin.”

“You didn’t send the one hopelessly enamored with Souryuu, did you?”

Hyatt coughed and blushed slightly. “Well, she was rather…persuasive.”

Ikari-palazzo unlocked his fingers briefly to scratch his nose. “I see. This complicates things. We must advance the schedule.”

“Acknowledged.” Hayatt saluted weakly. “For the glory of NERV, I shall─”

For the umpteenth time that month, Hyatt keeled over and died.

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #asuka─

*asuka-sama has joined #asuka
*LovesickRei has joined #asuka
AsukaBot> [Asuka] *pimpmusic* It’s Asuka!
AsukaBot> [LovesickRei] Stop, Asuka-chan! I only want to do unspeakably kinky things with you!
asuka-sama> Why? Why is this happening to me?
*LovesickRei twirls among shiny sparkles and pretty flowers
LovesickRei> Asuka-cha~n!
asuka-sama> And why the hell is that…that THING still here?
asuka-sama> whois LovesickRei
AsukaBot> You think I have any idea?
asuka-sama> o.O;
LovesickRei> Come here and kiss me already, darling!
asuka-sama> HELL NO!
*Kyoko has joined #asuka
AsukaBot> [Kyoko] This is…my punishment.
*Kyoko envelops LovesickRei in a massive AT Field
LovesickRei> NOOOOOO~~!
*LovesickRei has left #asuka (kicked by Kyoko)
Kyoko> Asuka, I─
*asuka has left #asuka (PANIC!!!)
Kyoko> …

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #Gundam Aida─

In the year 2015, war was beginning.

A huge explosion sent nearly everyone tumbling.

“What happen?” Kensuke exclaimed, staggering to his feet.

“Somebody set us up the bomb,” Hyuga reported as random numbers began appearing on the screen.

Aoba put a hand to his headset. “We get signal.” His hands flew to the keyboard. “Main screen turn on.”

“It’s YOU!” Kensuke shouted, pointing, as Touji’s image appeared on all the monitors.

“How are you gentlemen,” Touji greeted with a strange metallic echo in his voice. “All your base are belong to us.” Another explosion rocked the building. “You are on your way to destruction.”

“What you say?” Kensuke demanded angrily, shaking his fist.

“You have no chance to survive make your time,” Touji intoned darkly as he turned the camera to reveal a Large Red Button ™. “Ha ha ha.” And then, almost as an after thought, he added another short chuckle.

He pressed the Button, and the world went boom.

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #Shinji’s Dating Sim─

“Owowow…” Shinji groaned as he sat up, feeling the lump that had mysteriously sprouted from the top of his head. “Where am I?”

“Shinji-kun.”

“Oh, Ayanami. Did you see what happened?” Shinji looked around and noticed that his other companion was missing. “And where’s Asuka?”

“Shinji-kun.”

Shinji blinked. “Um…Ayanami…I didn’t know you had a twin sister.”

“Shinji-kun.”

Now Shinji boggled. “Triplets?!?”

“Shinji-kun.”

“Shinji-kun.”

“Shinji-kun.”

Shinji began backing away slowly as a trickle of blood dribbled from his nose. “W-what do you want? Ah! AH! No! Get away! Don’t touch me there!”

“Shinji-kun Shinji-kun Shinji-kun Shinji-kun Shinjikunshinjikunshinjikunshinjikun─”

“NOOOOOOOO~~!”

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─Complementation: #Evangelion Saga─

A rather beat-up looking hand clutched at the top of the trap door. “Wow, that was a long hole!” Hikari exclaimed as she slowly pulled herself back up. “Took me three whole scenes to climb back─” she trailed off as she found the entire place empty. “Hello? Hello? Anybody there? Ikari-Palazzo-sama? Ha-chan? Penchi?”

(Somewhere in the distance, a cross between a squawk and a whine could be heard.)

Hikari turned Super Deformed as rivers of tears shot from her eyes. “WAAH! Nobody likes me!”

# Quack Experimental Fanfic #

─TODAY’S EXPERIMENT …
FAILED. ─


Unnecessarily Long and Tiresome Authoress’ Notes:

Guess who had an Excel Saga marathon while writing this part?

Many thanks to the work shoppers for their valuable input.

(the rest of the story)

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