(#1 – BLU Engie really cares about his team colors)

“No. No way in hell.” The BLU Engineer crossed his arms over his chest. “We may be fighting on tha same side now, but I’m still a BLU, and I’ll die one if I hafta.”

The BLU Soldier, meanwhile, had already stripped down to his Captain America underwear. “It’s just clothes, Engie. And this’ll be the only way we can make sure we don’t shoot one another by accident.”

“It ain’t fair, I tell ya. Once–just once–I’d like ta make a stand against those mother-hubbard machines in my own uniform.”

“So do I, Engie, so do I. But beating back those robots means more to me than what color I’m wearing.”

The BLU Engineer scoffed. “Yer jus’ happy ’cause you get ta be around RED’s Demoman without anyone raisin’ ruckus about it.”


(#2 – What if those rewards were more than just cosmetic?)

The Scout kicked down the door to the Medic’s office–an easy task now that both of his legs had been replaced with mechanical ones from the knees down. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME, DOC?!? WHAT DID YOU DO?”

The Medic, for his part, didn’t even bother looking up from his current patient, holding the Heavy’s new arm in place while the Engineer welded supports into the unconscious man’s skeleton. “I did zee best I could given zee circumstances; you yourself said you did not wish to become a cripple.”

“I said I didn’t want you to amputate, you bonesaw-happy ass! We’re supposed ta be fighting dose robots, not become them! Look at me now!” The Scout gestured to the mess of gears, wires, and pneumatic tubes that snaked the length of his lower body. “I’m a freak, and it’s all your fault!”

The Engineer stepped into the Scout’s path, poking his robot hand into the Scout’s chest. “Boy, stop pitchin’ a fit and listen ta reason fer once. It’s a miracle you even lasted this long with Respawn on tha fritz, and now Doc’s givin’ ya fightin’ chance ta hold out until we can get things workin’ again. You wanna be a baby about this, do it somewhere else.” He gave the Scout a shove. “Now git. Yer bein’ a distraction.”