"Catz! Stop fussing about me! I'm fine!"
No, you're not, sweetheart. You've
got bruises on your left arm, a split lip, and a hacking cough ...
"The cough is just seasonal phlegm."
The girl flushed. "Ah ... that was ... hubris. I
got six targets in a row, so I got a little cocky on the seventh and
forgot my safety training ..."
Six in a row? How'd you manage
She grinned. "Training was outside that day."
Oh ... so I suppose the WIND was to your
"Hey, it was to everyone else's back, too ..."
How altruistic of you, pumpkin.
And the split lip?
"Ah," said the girl, "that's from sparring with ... dear ...
old ... Lala ..."
You're downright suicidal sometimes, you
"Hey, I didn't challenge her or anything! I just so
happen to have psychotically violent friends ... they're also quite
perverse." She giggled.
By the by, Dotserinny's done something
rather rash in Venus ...
The girl suddenly turned serious. "Show me what she's
Catz displayed Dot's work. The girl read it solemnly,
She remained quiet a long time.
Then she said: "Catz ... copy EG Cache, Heaven, Purgatory,
and Hell to your Secondary Drive."
Alright. Copying EG Cache, Heaven,
Purgatory, Hell to Secondary Drive ...
The only sound to be heard for a while was mechanical
background noise. The girl did not even dare to breathe.
EG Cache, Heaven, Purgatory, Hell copied
to Secondary Drive successfully.
She took a deep breath. "Now connect into Venus and
... apply Dot's changes to EG Cache."
"Chaotic would be more like it. Or curious ... I ..."
She paused, choked, and coughed up a little phlegm. "Sorry.
I just want to see ... how the Laws would answer back such a good deed
You've been the Laws. You KNOW how
they're going to react.
"Others have not had that experience. Dot probably
thinks this was a kind move on her part." She smiled
wistfully. "We have backups, Catz. Maybe I'm wrong, and
she's forevermore made a Heaven of my Earth. Apply Dot's changes
to the History of EGC."
.... fine. Applying changes ...
(*The EGC Bar -- outside the window, it's snowing ... and
from the looks of the decorations inside the bar, it must be around
(*A woman and a man walk in ... they're obviously
tourists, at this point in time.*)
(*One is a woman with short purple hair wearing an
expensive winter coat. She seems a little ditzy, and rather
annoying. She's tugging the arms of the man right next to
her ... with a flirtatious grin spread thickly across her face.*)
(*This is Miang.*)
Miang: Ooooh .... honey, I'm so glad
you decided to take me on a vacation from that AWFUL guarding job duty..
Solaris is sooooooo BORING don't you agree?
(*The man, on the other hand, seems rather awkward.
He walks with a sort of noble strut and wears more casual clothing, but
he seems a little more uncomfortable than would fit with merely being a
shy person in a crowded bar.*)
(*This is Ramsus.*)
Ramsus: Errr ... yes ... (*sweatdrops*)
Miang: I'm so glad you listened
to me when I said we should take a vacation! Believe you me, we're
going to have a marvelous ti--
(*There's a large crash, the crinkle of thunder rolling
is heard ... then a demonic roar. The wind slaps the bar
windows open roughly.*)
Miang: (*jumps into Ramsus's arms*)
EEPPPPP!!!!! WHAT WAS THAT!??!??!
(*The bartender -- a pregnant Akagi Ritsuko -- looks up
from cleaning the bar counter.*)
Ritsuko: Vacationers, I take it?
Ramsus: Well, yes ...
That's rather foolish. Don't you know we're being invaded by Hell
Yeah, Hell. They've been at it for several years now ...
Ramsus: When did it start?
Ritsuko: Well, it happened like
this ... prepare for a flashback ...
(* F L A S H B A C K *)
(*Sephiroth, Edge, and the rest of the old drinking crew
are sitting at the counter. Yuna v1.0 bounces in. She still
has the pogo legs ...*)
Yuna: Konnichi wa, minna-san!
Hai, it's me, Yuna!! I'm here all by myself. The Evil One is actually
working today instead of goofing off. Nothing big, just squelching some
cockroach uprising in ... um ... dammit, I always forget the name of
that dimension. The one full of Giant, Friendly, Intelligent Cockroaches
and Spiders with High-Pitched Voices. Scary place. (*shudders*)
Well, it could be worse. I've never had a Giant Spider hit on me yet.
Sephiroth: (*looking quite
hung-over*) As if one would.
Yuna: (*glares at Sephiroth*)
Well it's not my fault I look like this!! The stupid Evil One just
happened to decide that the best material to a Mecha-Interface
Cybernetic Android out of was scrap junk.
Sephiroth: Izzat why you have pogo
sticks for legs?
Yuna: (*venomously*) HAI. Now
(*Chatty runs into the bar. She's a cute
fifteen-year-old girl with short purple hair, and she wears a lavender
Helllllo everyone! I'm back. (*to Tifa*) Yuna
didn't blabber anything while I was gone, did she?
Tifa: Outside of some nonsense
about Giant Spiders and Roaches, nope ...
Spiders and Roaches..? (*darkly*) Hum ...
Tifa: Where'd you suppose she
got that idea from, anyway?
Heck if I know. (*false cheeriness*) It must be her
Yuna: I do not have a bug!
Sure you don't ... say, Yuna, mind stepping outside a bit? (*deviously*)
I have something to show you ...
Yuna: Really? Do
tell ... (*hentai grin*)
(*They walk out of the bar.*)
Sephiroth: I bet 5 rims Yuna
gets smashed over the head with the Big Friggin' Mallet.
Edge: You're on. (*hic*)
(*Everyone turns to stare at the entrance. Time
passes, and Chatty re-enters the bar ... alone.*)
Tifa: That took a while ...
Oh, she had to run an errand. She'll be back shortly. (*puts
something on a barstool*) You seen Jen and Jay lately?
Tifa: Yes, they went --
Jen: Konnichi wa, minna-san! Have returned tired
and bored, so I decided to go here!
Never mind, they're here. (*grins*)
Jay: Hey, Chatty! Long time so see ... where've
Nowhere important. Say, Jay-san, Jen-chan ... could
you two do me a slight favor?
Jen: No problem. What's the favor?
Could you go find Linaly and Shinobi for me and bring them
to the street right outside the bar? I'll find Hugh myself ...
I've got something really important to tell the lot of you, insert to
insert, no cameos allowed! (*beams*)
Jay: Wai! Sure thing, Chatty-chan! (*SD
(*Elated at having something to do -- yes, they were THAT
bored -- Jen and Jay skip outside to find Linaly and Shinobi ...*)
(*to herself*) Jen-chan ... you were such a good
friend. And Jay-san ... you too ...
(*She turns and heads towards ... the Shito-tachi's
Booth. It's comfy, it's cushy, it's occupied by Kaworu, Aoi,
Tenkei, Rei and Hugh! The Shito-tachi booth!*)
Hugh: Hey, Chats, you're back! Where were you?
Ah ... sore wa, himitsu desu. ^_-
Hugh: Secretive today, eh? Well, I suppose
you're entitled to a few ...
I see you and Rei-san are getting all cuddly again. (*grin*)
Rei: Ah, leave 'im alone. (*grins,
(*suddenly solemn*) You know, Voids, I wish I
could envy your honor.
Hugh: My what? (*piku piku*)
Your honor. (*grins*) You always fight quite
honorably in battle, so I've heard, even though you're a demon.
Hugh: It's half-demon, damn it ... half-demon.
Well, matter isn't the point. The point is that you're
supposed to be quite honorable ... assuming that honor exists, of
Aoi: You mean you don't believe
(*shrugs*) I believe in means to an end.
Rei: (*raises an eyebrow*)
Say, Hugh-san, mind coming out in front of the bar?
All the inserts are gathering out there, and I'm going to make an
Hugh: Sounds fine to me.
Rei: An announcement? What
A special announcement not to be heard by cameos.
Hugh: Sorry, Rei, you'll have to stay here.
Rei: Mou ...
Hugh: I'll be back soon enough, ne?
Rei: Hai, of course.
(*Insert a mushy goodbye here.*)
Aoi: (*clicks a camera, and shoves
it behind her back*)
Aoi: (*innocently*) Who, me?
Tenkei: (*babble babble
Aoi: But they make for such
interesting Valentine's Day cards..!
No time to wait! I have to make my announcement soon
Hugh: Well, then, let's go ...
(*Hugh and Chats leave the bar.*)
Tifa: Well, that's that ...
Sephiroth: What was that thing
she put on the seat?
Edge: That? (*hic*) Well, it's a ... (*picks
it up -- and freezes ...*)
(*... it's a shorn, bent half of a pogo stick.*)
Tifa: My God ... she ...
Sephiroth: Yuna didn't deserve
Edge: (*hic*) Holy schlamoly ...
(*And at that moment, the front of the EGC Bar explodes
inwards, as if several bombs had been placed in the streets and set off
in tandem ...*)
Tifa: (*ducks behind the bar*)
What the Hell?
Sephiroth: Ugh ... (*wipes
the blood from his lip*) It ... it's her ...
Sephiroth: An RL ... has
(*Through the dust thrown up by the property destruction,
one can see occasional glimpses of the battle raging on ...*)
(*... Linaly brandishes her staff, and is blown away by a blast of
green fire ...*)
(*... Shinobi transforms into his armor, and is
shortcircuited by a blast of green lightning. He draws a
lightsword and strikes a blow against his opponent ...*)
(*... Jay and Jen fight in tandem, striking and striking
and striking with their katanas until the enemy falls to the
ground. Then, unexpectedly, the 'comatose' enemy leaps up and
blasts the two with a green blight. Jay falls, Jen flies into a
(*... Shinobi swings at his opponent, trying to get the
enemy into a "let's have a dramatic discussion on what's happening"
situation ... but instead of blocking and obliging the cliche, the enemy
dodges, and the swing nicks Hugh ...*)
(*... Jen explodes ...*)
(*... the enemy draws a glowing dagger, bolts behind
Shinobi and stabs him in the back. He falls ...*)
(*... and in the end, when the dust clears the most,
there are two fighters left standing: Voidstar Hugh, in his full
demonic form, and Chatty, wielding Shinobi's lightsword and grinning in
a most disturbing fashion.*)
Chatty: (*eyes glowing bright yellow*)
Impressive! You've outlasted the others ... perhaps there is
something to this charm called 'honor' ...
Demon VoidStar: Chatty, why are you doing this?!
Chatty: (*shrugs*) I want the city. I've
always wanted the city ... I did tell you that I was a villain, no? (*laughs
bitterly*) What fools you were for trusting me!
Demon VoidStar: Chats, snap out of it!
Chatty: Das Spiel ist aus, Hugh! (*swings,
missing him*) Stop acting like I was your friend! I've never
been a friend to any of you! Look at the other inserts ... I
killed them all, cut them off from contacting this city ... their honor
and good hearts didn't save them, did it? Will your honor
save you? (*very bitter laugh*) Hit me with your best shot, hero!
Demon VoidStar: ....... I'm going to hate this, but you
asked for it ...
(*He flies straight upwards, shooting tendrils of
black-colored energy from his palms. It's a direct hit ... ....
.... with absolutely no effect ...*)
Chatty: (*mock yawn*) That's your best?
(*A vaguely familiar sphere of green flame explodes around VoidStar,
hurling him back to the ground.*)
Demon VoidStar: (*wincing*) Damn....I hate
(*VoidStar presses the attack again, hurling a wider wave
of shadow energy at Chatty, fazing her a bit this time.*)
Chatty: (*scowls*) You're actually getting annoying,
Hugh-san. Well.... (*dark smile*) I suppose it's time to join
your friends, isn't it? I'll bet they miss you ...
(*An even more familiar looking aura of mystical,
emerald-colored fire burns around Chatty, building up a charged wall of
destructive, green magic ...*)
Chatty: Rrrrrgh! No time for Angels!
(*She lets loose the wall -- a bit early, from the looks
of it -- and it blasts into Voidstar, knocking him down to the ground ...*)
(*running out of the bar*) Hugh-san!
Tenkei: (*BABBLE BABBLE!!*)
Rei: HUGH!! (*dashes
to Hugh's side and shakes him*) Hugh!!
(*Hugh remains still ... lying there, not moving ...*)
Rei: Hugh ... (*bows her head*)
(*Chatty grins, and lets out the bitterest, loudest, most
echoing cackle of all.*)
Chatty: Idiots! The last insert has
fallen! The city is mine, and soon you all will know the
invincible power that is ... MIYU ...
(*With a flourish and a smirk, she dissappears.*)
Aoi: (*seething*) Traitor ... I
swear, I'll kill you for this!
Kaworu: Aoi, not now ...
Rei: (*bending over Hugh*)
Hugh..! Don't die, Hugh ... not now ... please ...
(*There is a moment of silence. The dust from the
fight settles ...*)
(*... and Voidstar Hugh's eyelids flutter open.*)
Hugh: I..te-eeeeeeee ...
Rei: (*relieved*) Hugh-chan ...
(* K C A B H S A L F *)
(*Back in the Bar*)
Ritsuko: Voidstar Hugh Davis was
the only one to survive ... the rest are buried up in what's left of the
Religious Sector. Jay, Jen, Linaly, Shinobi ... they're all
gone. The life of only one insert determines whether or not this
city falls into the hands of Miyu ... whatever that is.
Miang: What about the demons?
Ritsuko: (*dark scowl*)
Ah, those ... this Miyu is an impatient sort. When assassinations
didn't work out, she turned to massive destruction. And I'm
supposing that since she didn't have any angels to attack him with, she
used what she had.
Ramsus: ... which was Hell?
There's been an attack at least twice a month for the past couple of
years ...... lots of areas have been decimated, quite a few people have
died. Billy, Yuffie, Cid, Tolone ... it's a long list. One
attack was on the Shinra Headquarters ... President Rufus was possessed,
and he slaughtered most of the building's occupants before Sephiroth
managed to kill him.
Miang: Sephiroth? Wasn't
he a hotdog vendor?
It's too dangerous to travel the streets casually like that anymore ...
he had to quit. (*points*) Look at him now.
(*Miang and Ramsus turn to look ... and away in the
corner of the bar, at another table, sits Sephiroth. His silver
hair is crumpled, rustled, and sloppy braided in the back, and his black
uniform is tattered beyond belief. Masamune's edge has gained
quite a few nicks, and the curve is bent somewhat askew. Seph
also seems to have replaced the black overcoat of his uniform with a
brown raggy bum's coat.*)
(*To put it another way, the son of Hojo is a hobo ...*)
Ritsuko: The Demon Invasion
crushed his dream. He wanted so much to have a day job that didn't
involve killing ... and Fate spat in his eye ...
(*A familiar middle-aged woman with long purple hair runs
over to Seph's table with a cup of hot chocolate and a slice of
pie. She promptly proceeds to more or less fuss over him like a
mother. Seph looks highly embarrassed.*)
Ritsuko: ... but then again, a
mere spit in the eye isn't enough to break a person if they have
dreams. Jenova's been there for him, encouraging him, keeping his
hopes up ... like the mother he never had, I guess. I don't figure
it'd be very healthy in normal circumstances, but in a living hell like
this, an overprotective mother is a blessing ...
Ritsuko: And then there's the
sad story of Aerith Gainsborough ...
Miang: What's that?
Ritsuko: Ah ... well, I already
told you that this bar was once owned by a woman named Tifa
Lockheart. Aerith Gainsborough was her ... partner, in a
sense. Tifa died in a battle against demons invading the bar, and
Aerith went quite mad, absorbing a lot of power in her quest to get her
back. In her desperation, she turned to Miyu for aid ... and Miyu
fulfilled her wish, bringing Tifa back to life ... at the cost of
Aerith's consciousness and soul. So Aerith became a mindless
puppet of Miyu, and Tifa was alive as well ... but also without
consciousness or soul. The two are virtually zombies now, mindless
killing machines ...
Ramsus: My God ...
Miang: That's so tragic!
Ritsuko: So many others have
died or lost their dignity in this war ... my Maya-chan .. died in one
battle ... stupid Misato sacrificed herself for me .... Kaji was taken
prisoner ... and I ...... I ... (*bows her head and lays a hand on
her bulging belly*)
Miang: What's wrong?
Ritsuko: (*glances up fiercely*)
Ma'am, have you ever read Rosemary's Baby?
Miang: No ...
Ritsuko: Screw you, then.
(*Suddenly, a gust of wind blows through the bar ...*)
Miyu: (*from the surrounding air*)
Quinta Essentia ...
Latin, the Fifth Element.
Purification, Obliteration ...
It is the process by which I, who
created the universes, shall return humanity to it's original state.
Humanity shall be one in its
One in me.
Miyu: Preparation ... the
gathering of strength ...
Miang: Ramsus, what is that?!
Ramsus: (*confused*) What's what?
Miyu: Sublimation ... the
repression of weakness ...
Miang: That voice! Can't
you hear it?!
Ramsus: What voice?
Miyu: Purification ... the
purging of the weak ...
Miang: THAT VOICE!
Ramsus: I don't hear any voice!
Miyu: Obliteration ... the
solidification of the position of the strong. Together, as one.
Miang: (*bloody furious*)
Whaddya mean, you don't hear any --
Miyu: System Hawwa.
Miang: (*blink*) Uh?
Miyu: System Hawwa, you are
invited to be a witness of the End of Time.
Miang: A witness to what?
Miyu: A witness to this.
(*The gust of wind travels through the bar ...*)
Ritsuko: (*gasps and falls to the
Jenova: (*gasps, dies*)
Sephiroth: (*gasps, dies*)
Ramsus: (*gasps, dies*)
Miang: NOOOO! What are you doing?!
The weak must die, and the strong must shed the weakness of the flesh.
(*Customers in the bar continue to gasp their last
breaths all around Miang.*)
Miang: This is crazy!
Miyu: Come, System Hawwa,
join me and watch the lives go by ...
Miang: (*running out of the bar*)
Get away from me!
Miyu: Do look out for
Evangelion Unit A, System Hawwa.
Miang: Look out for what?
Miang: Aaaaaaah!! (*runs into
Miyu: You aren't going to
watch the fight? How disappointing ...
Miang: (*peering around the corner*)
All right, fine, I'll -- VIERGE?!
(*Yes, it is a pink Xenogear vs. a purple
Evangelion. As to be expected, Vierge is getting pummeled.*)
Miyu: Elhaym insists on
fighting to the very end. She thinks that the possession of Chatty
is reversable, and that she can still save the lives of those not dying
yet. What an admirable fool ...
(*And with one swift upward slice of the Prog. Shuriken,
Eva A splits Vierge in half. The two halves of Vierge fall to the
ground, and Eva A stomps on them.*)
Miyu: What an admirable fool
she was ...
Miang: What ... what ...
Miyu: Look up.
(*Miang, not knowing what else to do, looks up.
Something falls into the city, and --*)
(* F L A S H *)
I am Miyu.
Miyu is everything.
Now you all reside in me ...
Everything is Miyu.
EGC Program Production fault, at roughly
the point that the Second Roach War should have been ... EG Cache,
Heaven, Purgatory, Hell corrupted, fused, and merged into miyusama.exe
The girl sighed. "I hate being right."
Well, at least now you can be certain
you were on the right track, honeypie ... necessary evils and all that
"How will I explain this to Dot?"
Tell Dotsy-poo that you can have the
power to change the distant past, but you can never have the all-seeing
eye of God necessary to see what you looked over in your haste.
"I don't know about that," she said. "That's a bit
hypocritical coming from me, isn't it?"
You have a better idea, sugar?
"No," she admitted. "I just disapprove of drastic
distant changes like that ... because ... because I did one myself when
I restored this EGC, and it's never quite the same. You can change
the past, but the RLs will remember. Sometimes, that's a greater
difference than can ...... than ... I'm rambling, aren't I?"
You are, darlin'.
"And I have a major examination tomorrow, don't I?"
Yes, you do, sweetums.
She sighed. "Take me home, Catz. I'm exhausted."
No sooner said than done.
Deactivating prose ...