The Gossip, the Fugitive, and the Idiot


*The Religious District is outright rife with katana-wielding people in black robes these days. Sazae, Sencha, and the sadistic woman killing Hollows in the sewers are certainly not the only ones out and about. Another pair is currently hunting Hollows a bit to the south of Sazae and Sencha. One is a woman, and a rather pretty one at that, with lush green hair that spills out loose to about halfway down her back and long bangs that hang past her forehead and partially obscure her robin's-egg blue eyes.*

*The other is a man, the kind you'd politely call "unremarkable" in appearance. He has a shock of short, mussy white hair, with strips of detergent green by his (rather large and sticking out) ears. His eyebrows, as well, are the same colour, although thicker, and his eyes are a red-tinted shade of brown.*

*The woman seems to be rather purposefully keeping her attention elsewhere, walking a bit ahead of her partner and only occasionally looking back.*

*The man, meanwhile, has his attention on the windows of the passing buildings. And seems rather disappointed in what he sees.*

Woman: *Speaks without turning around* Zan. You see anything?

Zan: Nothing of ANY interest. At all. I see plenty of little kids watching TV, and that's it. *pause* And, uh, no Hollows either.

Woman: *Sighs deeply* Figures. ...Oh, and for goodness' sake, stop staring into peoples' windows.

Zan: Oh, sure, and the -moment- I do, a Hollow's going to show up and devour the soul of some poor wife right out of the shower. Hmph.

*The female Shinigami just sighs again and continues along, until...*

Woman: ...Whoa, check this out...

*The two have come within eyeshot of the bizarro standoff taking place in front of Urahara's shop*

Woman: Well, no Hollows, but I think this warrants investigation...

Zan: *shielding the sun from his eyes* Hey, yeah... for once, I think you're right, Kofuji. :D

Kofuji: I'm going to ignore that "for once," since you're actually being sensible...for once. Right, we approach unseen. *Slips into an alley*

*Zan completely ignores this last bit and continues to approach in the street.*

Kofuji: o_o Er...Zan...? *Sneaks after him through a tangled web of alleys...meaning, of course, she gets there considerably later*

*Zan calmly walks right up to the standoff with an air that attempts to say "Greetings, motherfuckers! I'm a badass!" but instead translates as "Hello, dairyfarmers, I'm constipated"*

Zan: Yo.

Suzuki: *completely ignoring him* You can still come quietly, Mr. Urahara. *smirks* I promise I won't hold the disappearance of Agent Takahashi against you.

Kofuji: *Listening from the entrance of an alley, relieved that (for now) Zan has managed to avoid doing anything stupid* Urahara...? _That_ Urahara...?

*And meanwhile, Zan is standing right in place, going BUH? at this same fact.*

Zan: *to himself* Urahara? *glances over to the other side of the standoff* Augh, it -is- him! And there's... hey wait... *out loud* YOU!

*At this, everyone suddenly turns their attention to him... except for Shichi, who is hiding behind Urahara.*

Urahara: Who, me? n_n

Zan: No, not you! The fugly pseudo-geisha behind you! ><

Urahara: *blinkblink* Eh?

Kofuji: *Comes stomping out of her hiding place at this point, glaring, grabbing Zan by the collar* I can't _believe_ you sometimes...*Bows to the assemblage* Er, please accept my apologies. He's not right in the head, you see...

*There is a sudden slashing noise, and in a moment, Zan has gone from standing beside Kofuji to standing in the middle of the standoff, sword drawn and in attacking position.*

*In Kofuji's hand, meanwhile, is a handful of collar fabric, cleanly cut.*

Zan: So we meet again... Juuichi Shichi. ><

Kofuji: ...Oh my. Scandal sense...tingling. Zan, care to explain what the Hell you're on about?

Zan: *incredulously* You don't KNOW? That woman is a criminal!

Shichi: *still hiding behind Urahara, and letting out little sobs, at that*

Urahara: .......*pats her on the head* Now, now... are you sure you have the right Shinigami? n_n

Kofuji: *Rolls her eyes* All I see is a woman you're scaring for no apparent good reason. *Moves to stand between Zan and Urahara* Put the sword away. Now.

Zan: *warily* You don't know who you're dealing with, Kofuji. That 'woman' is a dangerous criminal. Go ahead, look her up. "Juuichi Shichi".

Kofuji: Oh, like I can do that right now...look, I'm not saying you're lying, I'm just saying you're scaring her. I very much doubt that she's a threat to us right now, okay? Now can you put the sword away so we can maybe, you know, act like adults and talk this out?

*Zan stares at her a moment, and then back at Shichi.*

Zan: ....hmph.

*And with that, he puts his sword away. Grudgingly.*

Kofuji: *Glances back at Urahara and Shichi* Like I said, not right in the head. Now, uh...I meant to figure this out through quiet, unobtrusive observation, but what's with the guys in the suits?

Suzuki: Indeed, go on. I -enjoy- being totally ignored.

Urahara: It's a bit of a long story. n_n

Kofuji: Eh, we've got time. Don't seem to be many Hollows around these parts anyway...

Urahara: Well, the short of it is that these suspicious fellows are trying to buy Soul Society equipment off of me, despite definitely not being Shinigami. n_n

Suzuki: *is not amused*

Watanabe: *cocks his head to one side* Cute, Mr. Urahara. Cute.

Kofuji: Suspicious indeed. Hey, Zan, if you want to use your sword, what say you point it at these guys instead? _They_ seem _way_ more suspicious.

Zan: But that's just what she wants us to think! They're probably after her for something else she's done now.

Shichi: *peeking out* No! No, they're-- they're with me! I work with them!

Suzuki: Ridiculous. We're with the government. What would we have to do with a renegade Shinigami?

Shichi: A- ah... *eyes wide with shock*

Zan: Hmph. I should've figured.

Kofuji: ...This is a headache day, I just know it. Clear out, suit guys. You look like American Shinigami and it's bugging me because those bastards are annoying as all Hell. So, uh, yeah.

Suzuki: I'm afraid we can't leave without Mr. Urahara and Ms. Juuichi.

Zan: *raising an eyebrow* Why?

Urahara: *pointing* Because they're trying to buy-- :D

Suzuki: *cutting him off* Isn't it obvious? They're paramours.

Shichi: *add a mouth in the shape of a large O to the wide eyes now*

Urahara: *stuck in mid-speech* :D

Kofuji: ... *Buries her face in her hands* Too weird...too weird...

*Ururu carefully walks up to Kofuji, past most of the confusion.*

Kofuji: *Looks down, expression frozen somewhere between nervous and skeptical as she dreads yet another layer of weirdness being thrown onto this situation*

Ururu: Um, actually.... *points at the suits* They're after Kisuke-san. That's it.

Kofuji: Ah, okay. So we can just take Shichi and leave him to them and it'll be okay? ^_^

Shichi: *quietly* M-M-Mr. Urahara... I'm sorry.

Urahara: *turning* Eh?

*And Shichi makes a break for it! ...dragging Urahara along with her. It looks absolutely ridiculous.*

Kofuji: Um...well...okay...I guess we're leaving. You suit guys, uh, stay right here and don't follow us, okay? :D;; *Sprints after Shichi*

Zan: HEY! *bolts after the two* She's making her getaway!

*Suzuki and Watanabe exchange a glance, then nod to each other and vanish in a stream of visible data.*

Kofuji: *Looks back* Uh...they're gone? I think we win or something.

Zan: *ignoring the disappearing suits* Never mind that! She's getting away! ><

Kofuji: We're just catching up with her...them...whatever...not _capturing_ them, idiot. Wait! Er...Juuichi-san, right? It's okay!

*Shichi, of course, is running along at breakneck speed, which is amazing considering that she's dragging along Urahara, who... suddenly grabs a lamppost, yanking the both to a stop and then snapping back, flinging Shichi back towards Kofuji and Zan.*

Urahara: Oops! Overdid it a little <3

Kofuji: O_O *Dives forward to catch Shichi before she can hit the ground*

Zan: Ha! *draws his sword and points it at Shichi's throat* Caught you, finally.

Urahara: *pokes him with his walking stick* Put it down, you.

Kofuji: *Draws her sword as well...pointing it at Zan in a sort of samurai version of a Mexican standoff* What he said.

Zan: Are you CRAZY? She's dangerous! I have to hold her off!

Shichi: ....Akiraka-san..?

Kofuji: "Hold her off?" Are you listening to yourself? Unless you think her trembling like she's about to have a seizure is going to do us harm, I'd say you're talking out of your ass here.

Zan: Oh, -you- haven't seen her in action! She's a vicious, vicious killing machine!

Shichi: *still scared out of her wits* You-- you're Akiraka-san! o_o

Zan: Yes, damn it, I'm Akiraka-san. Congratulations, you have a memory fitting of a psychopath.

*Urahara watches this without a smile on his face, his eyes shadowed by the brim of his hat again.*

Kofuji: Zan. Shut up. And Juuichi-san. Explain what he's talking about. I'm not doing anything until I hear both sides of this.

Shichi: I-- he's right. I did-- I am-- *covering her face* I'm a criminal.

Kofuji: ...Oh. Dammit. Okay, uh...*Thinks...looks to Shichi, then Zan, then Urahara, then back to Shichi...gaze finally settling on Zan* Hey, Zan.

Zan: Are you going to apologize for being wrong as you usually are now?

Kofuji: Look, we've got more important things to talk about right now. Right, wrong...it all pales in comparison to the fact that I happened to notice Vice Captain Ise--you know, Nanao, Eighth Division--visiting our camp before we left...specifically, sneaking into Vice Captain Matsumoto's tent...^_^

Zan: *jolts* Why the hell didn't you tell me this sooner?! *puts his sword away and runs back the way they came, fast enough to put the previous chase to shame*

Kofuji: *Waves, smiling at his rapidly disappearing form* Right, then. Now we can talk normally about all of this.

Shichi: *calming down a little, but still scared* Who... who are you? o_o

Kofuji: *Resheaths her sword, bowing politely* Miyajima Kofuji, Shinigami, soldier of the Tenth Division under Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou and Vice Captain Matsumoto Rangiku. Pleased to make your acquaintaince.

*Shichi considers this a moment, then rises to her feet and bows in turn.*

Shichi: *shakily mumbling* Juuichi Shichi, Shinigami, former soldier of the *mumblemumble* under Captain *mumblemumblemumble* --uh... uh.... please don't kill me. ._.;;

Kofuji: *Smiles gently* I assure you, Shichi-san, I intend to do nothing of the sort.

Shichi: But-- I... oh, you don't know wh-what I did, do you? o.o

Kofuji: Well, no. But unless you killed a close friend of mine--which I doubt you did, as no friends of mine have been murdered as of late--or something along those lines, I doubt it'll change my outlook any.

Shichi: ....I killed a Hollow. ._.

Kofuji: I see...*Reaches out to pat Shichi gently on the shoulder, smiling sympathetically*

Shichi: ...a-and... you caught me, so... I'm going to be executed. Like a Quincy.

Urahara: *scratches his hat* Oh, but the Quincies were a mass movement...

Kofuji: Quite. Killing a Hollow is a crime, that can't be denied...and it's a crime for a good reason. But the death of a single Hollow cannot create the sort of damage to the balance the Quincies caused. Therefore, I see no good reason to execute you...or even capture you.

Shichi: *sniff* ...thank you. Thank you so much, Kofuji-san. ;_;

Kofuji: *Chuckles* Just doing my job. ...Well, actually, just shirking my job...but only a little. And doing the right thing takes precedence, anyway! *Puts her hands on her hips, puffing up proudly*

*And Urahara smiles, though his eyes are still hidden by shadows and the brim of his hat.*