Title: Dragon Ball Rhapsody
Plot, or Lack Thereof: Vegeta meets the World’s Unluckiest Self Insert.
Reason for Banishment: Weak characterization, self insert.
“Get up, Kakarot!” Vegeta taunted, giving his enemy a kick that sent him sprawling. “It’s too early for me to kill you!”
Raditz was right, Vegeta thought with contempt, Kakarot is a weak fool.
When Raditz discovered that his brother still had not destroyed his planet, he was incredulous.
“That fool Kakarot!” He exclaimed. “He should have been strong enough to destroy that pitiful planet ages ago!”
“Well, then,” replied Vegeta, “it seems that we will need to straighten him out.”
When Frieza made the request for someone to go to Earth (ignorant fools, thinking themselves the sole ball of dirt with life on it!), Raditz stepped forward to volunteer, but Vegeta stopped him.
“Why can’t I go?” Raditz asked. “Perhaps I, as his brother, can persuade him to do his job.”
“I want to see how ‘strong’ he is,” Vegeta lied. In reality, he knew that Kakarot would not stand a chance against him, but he wanted an excuse to leave Planet Frieza 79. In addition, he also wanted to see for himself the planet that Kakarot was sent to; it seemed to be very beautiful from a distance. And so Vegeta went, alone—he did not even allow Nappa to join him, lest the over-reactive brute ruin his fun.
The planet was even more beautiful than he’d expected; Kakarot, on the other hand, was just as weak. He had challenged Vegeta the moment that they met; Kakarot attacked with impressive skill and strength, but was nothing compared to his own. Vegeta had allowed Kakarot to wear himself out and use up all of his tactics, then counterattacked with such viciousness that Kakarot now lay on the ground, unable to get up.
“Dammit!” Kakarot sputtered. Vegeta pulled him up by the collar with one arm.
“You pathetic creature,” Vegeta tightened his grip, “did you think you could defeat me, the Prince of the Saiyans?” Kakarot, gritting his teeth, could not reply. “You have failed your duty as a Saiyan, Kakarot. For that, your sentence is death.” Vegeta threw Kakarot onto the ground a few feet away. “And now,” he began forming a ball of energy—sufficient to give Kakarot a slow, painful death—between his hands. “Die.” Vegeta flung the energy blast at Kakarot.
When the dust cleared, another figure stood before Vegeta . It was a humanoid girl, about the same height as himself, who appeared to be in her teens. She was wearing an outfit similar to the one Kakarot wore, and her thick black hair was tied in a ponytail behind her head. The expression on her face was that of concrete determination tinged with a bit of something that Vegeta couldn’t quite get his finger on.
The Scouter on Vegeta’s face gave her a power rating of ‘1’.
“Who the hell are you?” He demanded. “And what the hell do you think you are doing?”
“Who are you?” The girl asked in return. “And why are you bullying defenseless people?” She reached down and touched Kakarot’s neck, then stood back up. “I will not allow you to hurt anyone else.”
“You?” Vegeta laughed. “Do you have any idea who I am?”
The girl smiled, but her eyes remained sad. “It doesn’t matter.”
Vegeta felt his anger grow. “Well, let me tell you.” He made himself look as intimidating as possible. “I am Vegeta, the Prince of the Saiyans and strongest warrior in Frieza’s army.”
The girl showed no signs of fear. “It doesn’t matter,” She repeated. “I still won’t let you hurt anyone else.”
Vegeta’s fist curled. “Is that a challenge?” He growled. The girl nodded, her expression solemn. “Then you will die with Kakarot.” At the mention of the other Saiyan’s name, the girl looked for him; he had managed, with the energy she had given him, to crawl out of harm’s way. She then turned her attention back to Vegeta, who already dropped into a defensive crouch. She did the same, and the two began to circle one another.
“After you,” Vegeta offered when the first tense moments passed.
“No, after you,” she replied. Vegeta decided to take that as an insult.
“For that you will have a slow and painful death!” He charged at her. Vegeta attacked with the force he thought would be sufficient to kill the girl, but she blocked him with ease. He tried a few more times, but failed again. “You’re holding back on me!” he accused.
“So are you,” She answered.
“I don’t need to waste my energy on a pathetic creature like you.”
“Pathetic?” The girl raised an eyebrow.
“A person with a power rating of ‘1’ can hardly be considered a formidable enemy.” Vegeta replied, tapping the Scouter on his face. The girl raised her eyebrow again.
“That thing on your face must be broken. Look at it again.” Vegeta did; the girl now had a power rating of ’10’.
“Ooh, I’m scared,” He launched himself at the girl once more, but as before, could not land a single punch.
“You still think I’m pathetic?” she asked.
“You’re just fast,” Vegeta panted.
“Check that thing one more time,” she challenged. He did; the girl’s power rating had raised to ‘100’. Vegeta shrugged.
“I can still kill you easily.”
For a third time he attacked her, this time with harder and faster blows, but none of them fell upon her. When they separated his Scouter beeped to indicate that the girl had raised her energy even higher.
She was now at ‘1,000’.
Now things will get a bit more interesting, Vegeta thought.
“You were right,” he informed the girl, “I have been holding back. But now I will show no mercy.” He used everything he knew against her, even some of the dirty tricks he had developed while sparring with Nappa.
But none of them worked.
“It’s not as easy as you think, is it?” The girl inquired.
“I’m just—entertaining myself,” Vegeta gasped. “If I could get a good shot at you, I could kill you.”
The girl landed onto the ground. “All right. So give me your best shot.”
Dammit, she’s mocking me! Vegeta felt himself fill with rage . He hurled his fist at the girl’s head as hard as he could.
Vegeta tried not to scream as he thought he felt his arm shatter.
“Was that supposed to hurt?” The girl asked. At once her face bore a frightening expression. “That was—’pathetic’.” She said in an exact copy of his voice.
Vegeta’s Scouter beeped again.
It read ‘10,000’.
And then it read ‘100,000’, right before it exploded.
Now, it all made sense to Vegeta: that girl was holding back, and a lot more than he thought. If she could increase her power level by a factor of 10 each time, then she was powerful to an incredible degree.
I’m going to die. Vegeta realized. He was not going to go without a fight, though; he was the Prince of Saiyans, and he would at least die with honor.
The moment that Vegeta decided this, though, the look on the girl’s face disappeared and was replaced with one reminiscent of a scolding teacher.
“I tire of this.” she announced. Before Vegeta could react she gave him a light tap on the shoulder; he then found himself unable to move or speak. “Don’t worry,” she reassured him when she saw the look on his face. “You’ll be able to move in a few hours.” Vegeta could do nothing except watch as the girl picked up Kakarot and flew off.
A little while later, she returned empty-handed.
“Vegeta,” she chided him with her sad half-smile, “you really got in over your head this time. You allowed your pride to blind you, and look what happened. You really shouldn’t do that.” From out of nowhere she pulled out a syringe . “I’m sorry,” she said, removing the cap from it, “but I have to do this.”
Vegeta woke with a start; he was in his room on Planet Frieza 79. He was covered in sweat and his head was throbbing, but he couldn’t understand why. He also had the vague impression of a nightmare, but he couldn’t remember what it was.
“Wake up, Your Royal Sleepyhead!” Nappa stood in the doorway. “We’re leaving on another mission!”
“Another mission?” The words didn’t make sense to Vegeta, who still wasn’t all the way awake.
“Don’t you remember? We’re going to trash another planet!”
Vegeta yawned. “You certainly sound eager about it.”
“Well, if you don’t hurry, we won’t be going anywhere at all!” Vegeta pulled on his armor without his usual enthusiasm; he was walking down the hall putting on his Scouter when he nearly ran into someone.
“Prince Vegeta!” It was Raditz, a low-class warrior that Vegeta met the day before. Vegeta was his new ‘supervisor’: Raditz would report to him about whatever mission he went on.
I don’t know what the hell Frieza was thinking! I shouldn’t be babysitting low-class warriors!
“Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” Vegeta demanded.
“I beg your pardon, Highness, but I was in a hurry.”
“Oh?” Vegeta inquired in his most patronizing tone. “Where are you off to?”
“To meet my brother Kakarot,” Raditz answered, pretending not to notice Vegeta’s disgust.
Kakarot? Where have I heard that name before? Vegeta shook his head a few times to clear it.
“Come on, Prince,” Nappa urged. “We’re running on a schedule, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Vegeta continued down the corridor.
Goku opened his eyes slowly; the bright sun nearly blinded him. He sat up in alarm.
What? Where am I?
“Goku-san! How the heck did you get out here?” Chi-Chi stood surprised at the entrance to her tent. Goku looked around him and discovered that his own tent had somehow collapsed around him so that he was completely exposed to the elements. Then he remembered: Chi-Chi, Gohan, and himself had gone on a camping trip. He was also planning to stop by the Turtle House with Gohan to give Master Roshi a visit.
“Hee, hee, hee! Daddy’s tent broke!” Gohan broke out in giggles. Goku put his hand behind the back of his head and grinned.
“It seems that my sleeping habits are not all that great!” Chi-Chi began to laugh as well, and the entire forest rang with their merriment.
A little farther off, someone was observing the happy campers. The person’s mouth lifted into a sad half-smile.
“Peace never lasts long.” The voices began to fade as the people began packing up to leave. “Enjoy it as much as you can.”