I gaped in awe at the—well, I still don’t know what to call it, really, so I just named it Bob. “What is that, Gandalf?”

“It is the Deus Ex Machina,” Gandalf intoned solemnly. “It was a most dreadful artifact created in the First Age.”

I was suspicious. The grey wizard had a habit of exaggerating. “What’s so scary about a plain old—”

“Silence!” Gandalf cried, unconsciously lapsing into black speech again. He calmed himself. “Sorry, but some things just aren’t meant to be spoken of. So be a good little hobbit and destroy it, alright?”

“Sure, I guess.”

Unnecessarily Long and Tiresome Authoress’ Notes:
I was reading through the Straight Dope Message Board’s LoTR parodies again and got inspired.